Title: The Wolverine
Starring:
Hugh Jackman
I’ll admit here that I’ve only ever seen the first X-Men movie, so let’s see what I could make of this.
Wolverine wakes up in a dream within a dream within another dream.
Once his audition for Inception 2 is over, we realise that he’s exiled himself for some reason.
Something about feeling guilty for cutting people up with his hands. Edward Scissorhands went through the same thing, I think.
Question:
When a character exiles themselves, why is it that they also decide to dispense with any form of personal grooming?
I understand.
You’re hurting like you’ve never hurt before, but for God’s sake man, use a bloody razor once in a while!
Back to the movie.
Drawn out of exile by a guy he saved years ago, he’s asked to give the dying guy his immortality (Come to think of it, I didn’t know he was immortal. I mustn’t have been paying attention the first time around).
He naturally refuses, so Mr Dying Guy gets someone to somehow wrap an electronic spider thing around Wolverine’s heart, which in turn, weakens him and makes him mortal.
Having big blades on your hands turns out to be pretty lucky, because Wolverine decides to perform open heart surgery on himself, grab hold of the spider thing, and voila, becomes immortal again.
He falls for Mr Dying Guy’s granddaughter, but has clearly has issues with his ex, but being the hairy player that he is, pursues it anyway.
What else happened?
Oh yeah.
They go for a ride on the Bullet Train, and skip the fare by riding on the outside.
Mr Dying guy fakes his own death and builds himself a robot out of… let me get this right… something called Adamantium.
I’m not positive, but I think that’s an element that when worn, makes one apply zinc cream to one’s face, and uncontrollably sing 80′s punk/pop songs.
Clearly Mr Dying Guy didn’t put it on that well, because all he did was make himself into a giant robot.
Wolverine fights to the death (Guess who won), then decides that after all the fighting, the killing, and the dying, he’s okay with cutting people up with his hands after all, and flies off into the wild blue yonder to look for more adventures.
Yay, Wolverine!
Two ninja gerbils.
The Wolverine
